> >1. Most blues begin: "Woke up this morning."
> >2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the
> > blues, unless you stick something nasty in the
> > next line.
> > I got a good woman--
> > with the meanest dog in town.
> >3. Blues are simple. After you have the first
> > line right, repeat it. Then find something that
> > rhymes. Sort of.
> > Got a good woman
> > with the meanest dog in town.
> > He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
> > and he weighs about 500 pounds.
> >4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
> >5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other
> > acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound
> > bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a
> > major part in the blues lifestyle. So does
> > fixin' to die.
> >6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing
> > the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to
> > get the electric chair if you shoot a man in
> > Memphis.
> >7. You can have the blues in New York City, but
> > not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in
> > Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression.
> > Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still
> > the best places to have the blues.
> >8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
> > a. violet
> > b. beige
> > c. mauve
> >9. You can't have the blues in an office or a
> > shopping mall, the lighting is wrong.
> >10. Good places for the Blues:
> > a. the highway
> > b. the jailhouse
> > c. the empty bed
> > Bad places for the Blues
> > a. Ashrams
> > b. Gallery openings
> > c. weekend in the Hamptons
> >11. No one will believe it's the blues if you
> > wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old
> > black man.
> >12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
> > Yes, if:
> > a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
> > b. you're blind
> > c. you shot a man in Memphis.
> > d. you can't be satisfied.
> > No, if:
> > a. you were once blind but now can see.
> > b. you're deaf
> > c. you have a trust fund.
> >13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand
> > are capable of singing the blues.
> >14. If you ask for water and baby gives you
> > gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues
> > beverages are:
> > a. wine
> > b. Irish whiskey
> > c. muddy water
> > d. one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
> > Blues beverages are NOT:
> > a. Any mixed drink
> > b. Any wine kosher for Passover
> > c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
> >15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun
> > shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back
> > by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So
> > is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being
> > denied treatment in an emergency room.
> > It is not a blues death if you die during a
> > liposuction treatment.
> >16. Some Blues names for Women
> > a. Sadie
> > b. Big Mama
> > c. Bessie
> >17. Some Blues Names for Men
> > a. Joe
> > b. Willie
> > c. Little Willie
> > d. Lightning
> > Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia
> > will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter
> > how many men they shoot in Memphis.
> >18. Other Blues Names (Mix and Match Starter Kit)
> > a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
> > b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
> > c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
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